10/5/2018

Sometimes the groaning's within me are too deep for words.  In certain seasons of life, all I can offer are sobs as prayer offerings as I am too incoherent to speak. To even tell the story, the words seem hollow in conveying the depth of pain cut in this mom's soul.  I am not talking about a bad day but a continuum of brokenness in this life. I am, however, relieved I do not groan alone.

"And in a similar way, the Holy Spirit takes hold of us in our human frailty to empower us in our weakness. For example, at times we don’t even know how to pray or know the best things to ask for. But the Holy Spirit rises within us to super-intercede on our behalf, pleading to God with emotional sighs too deep for words." Romans 8:26

​When I drop helplessly in the arms of my Savior needing refuge and strength to continue in the hope that is lacking this day, His arms are waiting for me! I seek Him to lift me and undergird me. And He gently says,  "I will wipe every tear from your eyes. I am near to your broken heart and crushed spirit binding up your wounds. Your flesh and heart may fail, but I am the strength of your heart and portion forever. " (Rev. 21:4, Ps. 34:18, Ps. 147:3, Ps. 73:26)  These words water my soul cleansing me of the grief that wants to overtake and drown me.
 
This pain of loss is an opportunity to invite God in to do a transforming work.  Within each broken place, God is using the suffering to work within my soul a sweetness from His divine work. The art of perfection is a painful process as He purifies those wild, untamed areas within me. I have learned the deeper the valley, the closer the walk with the Lord. How I look forward to the fully refined work, He so patiently pursues to complete. As promised I will see it in its fullness in eternity. To see and live as we were created with our creator will be the most splendid of days.

I can't help but think of Sterling, my precious son, enjoying the raiment of splendor today at home in heaven. As my body cries out in broken beauty in his absence here, I am choosing to lift my voice in praise with gratitude for the extraordinary etched in the fiber of my soul. Through my tears, I rejoice and give thanks for the 21 years of life God fused. We will celebrate "Sterling style" his 26th birthday and his influence on our lives.

1. Praising God He chose me to be a part of your essence, and in doing so, it birthed my esteem role as your mom.

2. Grateful for your patience, unconditional love, and grace as we fumbled through the trials and errors of parenting you.

3. Embracing the embodiment of having you, knowing you and loving you as a beloved son and faithful friend!

4. Rejoicing with awe of how your life continues to be a reminder of the intricate hand of God who establishes life so specifically yet miraculously beyond our comprehension.

5. Celebrating how God used you to take us deeper spiritually, relationally and intellectually. I miss those life-changing moments with you!

6. Delighting in the abundant joy in my daily life imprinted with wild laughter causing my heart to flow with waves of praise for the permanence.

7. Overwhelmed by your desire and continual invitation to join you in every facet of your life making the transition of friendship remarkable.

8. As a warrior, you treated others respectfully, exhibited manners, and was a gentleman honoring, validating and affirming those around you.

9. Your passion was unbridled in the way you pursued and engaged in living out loud your faith and loving your family and friends. It was an honor to be loved by you!

10. Your devotion to protecting others, caring for and defending them when they needed someone reliable and dependable was sincere and inspiring.

11. I love how you walked in the confidence of Christ and embraced the fullness of living free.

12. I treasure the heart you had, and the powerful testimony of your prayers prayed throughout our years.

13. You were a true lover of souls! Grateful for the intersection of ours as it will be for all eternity!

14. Thankful how you demonstrated your wisdom, insight, discernment, and discretion. It made you a wise old soul and a forerunner for the kingdom.

15. You had a heart that chose to forgive quickly which evidenced the work of God in you.

16. You lived with such a high standard of excellence desiring to glorify God in it all.

17. You courageously embraced the number of your days never fearing the finale keeping your eye on the prize.

18. I cling to every memory of our times dancing, eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream, riding in the car listening to music, singing songs and enjoying every minute together!

19. I love that your beauty surrounds me in the various art pieces and writings created from your God-given talents.

20. Appreciating your ineffable infectious love and how you always hugged, kissed, held my hand and would tell me you loved me regardless of how old you were. ( I miss it all!)

21. The joy of the Lord radiated in and through you as you lived unashamedly for an audience of one (Jesus).

22. Brilliant, captivating, ambitious, exuberant and genuine was the inner being of your mind, spirit, and soul. It has altered and enriched our lives.

23. Relationally you never knew a stranger and left an indelible mark on all you met with an impacting change in their life.

24. You captured the meaning of living life fully and authentically.

25. Magnanimous, complex, devoted, effervescent, redeemed, and one of a kind son, brother, and friend

26. Thank you, Sterling, for unveiling new colors in my world and by being who you were uniquely created to be! Our lives will never be the same, but I wouldn't want it to be. I am blessed to have THIS love for all eternity. You are greatly missed and eternally loved! I love and miss you every day!

Best Sterling in all eternity! Mom