Heart Holding
12/16/2015
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portions forever. Psalm 73:26
I was welcomed at the mailbox on Saturday December 5th, 2015 with a package of which I quickly opened. The gift was a Willow Tree "remembrance" angel with her arms crossed over her heart holding a small gold heart above and between her hands. As I opened the card to read it, I was already in a breathless state of awe with tears flowing gently down my cheeks. I lingered and clung to every detail that unfolded before me. It is beyond my comprehension the depth by which the Lord showers His continual love on me.
An incredibly beautiful young woman, a dear friend of my son’s and now mine, sent this angel to bring extra strength and comfort to me during this Christmas season and as much as I cherish the gift, I cherish her and the impact she made in my son’s life even more so. She shared that the angel and its meaning had reminded her of me holding all the sweet, golden and priceless memories of my Sterling, treasuring each one in my heart forever.
She had no idea the significance of this gift but the Lord certainly did using her as an instrument of his love and continual grace. Back in 1999 I was given a Willow Tree angel holding a young child close to her heart signifying the closeness and deep abiding love Sterling, my oldest son, and I shared. It was symbolic that as I held him close to my heart the angels would keep watch over and protect him faithfully (which they did making sure he arrived home safely in the arms of the Lord at age 21 on February 13, 2014).
A few weeks prior to Sterling’s passing as he was leaving for class and shutting the door behind him, I heard a loud crash at the bottom of the steps. My angel figurine had shifted on the shelf that was next to the door falling to the floor and breaking into many pieces except the part of the angel holding the child. My heart sank and I felt sick inside as I saw the shattered pieces. As I held the one remaining piece, it was if we ourselves had broken and I stood there in silence looking and remembering with endearing thoughts about the relationship my son and I had shared throughout the years and was thankful for our continued closeness. While standing there, the Lord told me I was not to throw it away or replace the figurine but instead was to keep it on display. So with a heaviness in my spirit, I placed it back on the shelf.
On Sterling’s 13th birthday we had a Celebration into Manhood party and presented him with two Willow Tree figurines. The first one, a little boy was holding his heart close to his chest. It was to remind Sterling to hold with care his and his future wife’s heart protecting them so he would be able to give of himself wholly to his wife when he married. He was to guard his heart as unto the Lord for her and entrust his heart to the Lord. We told him God would allow circumstances in his life that would refine and purify his heart and even though it would be deeply painful at times he could trust his heavenly Father to produce in and through him what would be needed, necessary and useful for his growth.
The other figurine, an angel holding a red heart heavenward represented me holding Sterling’s heart up to the Lord and praying faithfully for him and his future wife. Upon marrying, I would give the figurine to his wife as she would be the one to whom his heart belonged as they would become one in mind, spirit and heart.
When Sterling passed and I walked past the figurine that had broken, I immediately understood the significance of that broken figurine but kept it tucked into my heart till now. The Lord knew there would be a break in our physical relationship but just like that figurine there would still be purpose and beauty that would emanate in the midst of the shattered broken pieces. Individually, and as a family we will never look the same but the Lord continues to unveil new purpose, perspective and beauty to our fragmented souls and lives. And even though I did not get to give the figurine over to my son’s wife, I was able to present my son back to the Lord knowing he was ready to go and be home for all eternity. And that little boy holding onto his heart now represents the depth by which Sterling loved and gave graciously of himself to our family, friends and and all he encountered. It is a reminder that that love continues to live on in and through each of us and even though we live with a deep loss we also live with the ability to radically love others as Christ.
My new beautiful figurine reminds me that the Lord is still guarding and protecting the pieces of my own heart with all the hidden treasures of love, laughter, and memories of my son and that he will continue to do so till I too go home. For where my treasure is there is my heart being strengthened by the Lord as He is forever close to my broken heart.
In the same way, He is close to your broken heart and longs for you to see Him in the midst of whatever pain, hurts, losses and struggles you are experiencing. Allow Him to blanket you with himself this Christmas season and to love on you in unique ways that will bring comfort. Remember you are deeply loved, treasured and relentlessly pursued! Love you sweet ones! Marcia
Lord how I give you praise as you love me uniquely. You not only have gone before me but you stay the course on the journey with me. Thank you for choosing to use others as a vessel of your love and comfort. Continue to pour out your spirit over and in me as I need daily doses of your balm in my spirit. Keep me grounded and my eyes fixed on your truths. Thank you for creating my heart to love, receive love and for protecting the treasure of that love. Continue to keep watch over my heart, spirit and mind strengthening it to live out the beauty you display in my life. In Jesus’ name!