Honoring a Parent: Duty or Devotion

9/21/2016

Children, honor your parents in your hearts; bear them not only awe and respect, but kindness and affection: love their persons, do not provoke them; highly esteem them as the instruments under God of your being.

​Jeremy Taylor

In 2007 my life was crazy busy as a full time homemaker, wife, mom, and homeschool teacher to 4 of my 5 children ranging in ages five to fourteen. While attending to the daily demands, I was also dealing with three teenagers and ongoing chronic struggles of reactionary attachment disorder (RAD), oppositional defiance disorder (ODD), PTSD, ADHD and sexual molestation issues that intensified during the teen years for two of my five children whom we had adopted. Along with those responsibilities, I was afforded the opportunity of helping with my mom who had been diagnosed with dementia, as well as, caring for and overseeing my dad’s health and finances while living in a nursing facility for medical attention till he passed in September of that year. 

I was definitely in the “sandwich” mode of life with 5 children in various stages of life on the one side and aging parents with some debilitating health issues on the other. There were times I felt I was underwater breathing through a coffee stirrer. Yet the Lord always provided me with what I needed. Psalm 28:7 was balm to my soul: “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.” Even though daunting at times, I was thankful for having the opportunity to be a part of such a precious time in my parents lives.

In a culture where we do not see much honoring of anyone but self, I am grateful for the ability to have been able to love, serve and honor my dad during those days. We had standing dates several times a week with Friday being one of my favorite times, as my mother would accompany me to listen to the DJ and dance with my dad. Even though my parents had been divorced  26 years, they had always shared a love for dancing with one another that continued beyond their divorce. As my mom and dad joined hands on those Fridays and took their first step, the onlookers immediately were captivated by their elegant style and fancy footwork. It was evident that they were seasoned souls.  Watching my parents dance were always magical moments and one I cherished seeing again in those last days of his life.

I too, having grown up dancing with my dad, could not wait for our time to "shake a leg"
on those Fridays! As a great dance partner, he would take my hand, look at me with a
twinkle in his eye while grinning from ear to ear and lead the way. I recall vividly the day
when I knew we were dancing our
last……slow…….dance.

That moment is forever etched into my heart and soul. As my dad and I held hands, I clung to every second of each move with him like a child who would not let go. The tears were streaming down my face with thanksgiving for the Lord blessing me with this treasured time yet grieving the final father daughter dance, till we would meet again in heaven. 

Many would have seen this time as a burden with all the other responsibilities and hats being worn, but for me, I saw it as a rich blessing deposited in the very depths of my soul. My parents not only gave me life but breathed purpose and invested themselves into every aspect of my being. It was a time I desired to give back even though it would never compare to all they did for me. Part of unconditional love is going through the difficult and hard with those we love just as my parents had so beautifully done with me in all of my years. So this was my time to be there during their time of need.  It was a privilege based on the relationship I had with my dad to honor him out of love and devotion. 

Even though my time away from home caused many challenges and frustrations for my children because of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual demands during that season, I know it impacted  them as they were able to see their grandfather loved, tended to, cared for and honored with a deep abiding devotion. They saw modeled for them the love, joy and trials in caring for a parent in a similar manner that had been modeled to me by my parents. 

The children learned honoring a parent out of duty would stem from a lack of relationship, possibly a strained one or other varying factors.  And even though one can't change what was, one can honor parents by the way they choose to interact with them during their aging years.  Even with distance we can honor our aging parents by taking an active role in their lives and care if they allow. I continue to model as best I can the same example in regards to my mom even though I do not live nearby. So in spite of distance or other varying factors, it is possible to honor parents whether it is out of duty or devotion. When that time arises we can trust that God will give us what we need in that moment. 

Sweet ones, receive the outpouring of the Lord's love over you and go love as He loves! Love to you…